Love Everyone Blindly

I used to think that life would make more sense when I “grew up.” (Here’s a secret – it doesn’t.)

Ten years ago, after an exceptionally cold and rainy track practice, the news reached me. Just another day turned into one that would rattle me, an entire youth group, a church, a school and a community. It wasn’t pretty. People were confused. Hurt. Angry. Sad. There were tears. There were blank stares from people who didn’t know what to do or say. There were people who tried to hide and people tried to help. And there was a question:

“WHY?”
Why didn’t we see it coming?
Why didn’t she tell anyone how much pain she was in?’
Why would God let this happen?
Why would she do it?
And the reality? We don’t really know those answers. And they haven’t come with time. I spent years speculating, thinking, “what if” and “what could I have done?” I knew her. We were friends. I didn’t think we had a deep connection – but we did. We were both outsiders in a world that thought we were happy. People loved us, but we didn’t fully love what others saw. We just wanted to be different from the person we were. We looked in the mirror, or looked inward at ourselves, and saw things we wished were different. There was this idea that we were flawed. That something was wrong with us.
She called me a few weeks before to ask me to prom. I was a freshman and she was a junior. I didn’t really know what say. Sure, I could go – I guess? But wouldn’t she have more fun with friends of her own age – I mean, I couldn’t even drive! Is a girl even allowed to ask a guy to prom? What should I say? Everything seemed backwards. And my secret knew I’d never want more than friendship.
In that moment I didn’t understand friendship comes in different forms I didn’t understand loving people could mean so many things. I had fixed ideas of how the world should work. I was just another young and confused freshman who was figuring things out about myself. We all were. And that’s okay. Because for the rest of your life, you’re going to be figuring things out. There will be twists. And turns. You’ll be hurt. You’ll be confused. And some days it’ll seem your world is crashing down. But you’ll make it through.
Eventually I would find out she was going to prom with a group of friends. She had even picked out a dress. There was hope for a brighter future; I wish she could have seen that. Everyone has secrets and thoughts they want to keep locked away. But if they’re hurting you, let them out. Tell someone. The ones who really love you won’t run away. You might feel ashamed or guilty, but love is blind to those feelings. Love sees you as the beautiful person you are – even when you can’t see it.

The 3 Questions Every Catholic School Girl Is Asked

“Did you have to wear uniforms?”

Yes. And honestly, I miss them every day. Our uniform consisted of a wool-blend plaid skirt, and then various polo, sweaters, and sweatshirts, all of which had the school crest embroidered on it. We couldn’t wear flip-flops “for safety reasons” and any shirt worn under our polo had to be white.

Now, I’m not going to spout the regular, pro-uniform shtick about how the uniform is The Great Equalizer and makes students unaware of socio-economic differences among their peers. I recognize that the girl in my French class had an awesome new J. Crew jacket, and I saw that sophomore that clearly got some designer kicks for Christmas.

But really, the all-girls’ environment had more of an affect on my daily appearance (and how I thought about said appearance) than the actual uniform did. I rarely put on makeup, my hair was constantly in a messy bun (and, most often, was unwashed) and I shaved my legs on a bi-weekly basis, at most. My appearance simply didn’t matter. I wasn’t trying to impress the dude in my Geometry class; I was trying to pass Geometry. I wasn’t worried whether or not my ass was appealing to my boyfriend, I was trying to figure out my next article for the school magazine. I was focused more on my AP English paper and juggling my role as French Club President with my after-school job than I was worried about the state of my wardrobe.

But you know what? Other girls did care about their appearance, and that was okay, too. There were girls that matched their headbands to their accessories, that were hyper-conscious of what coat looked best with their navy sweater, and that was okay, too. They could totally kill it in Biology lab and look awesome at homecoming.

But neither of us were treated better or worse for our peers for it, because, in general, girls cared more about the jokes you made than your physical appearance. And that’s refreshing.

“Were the nuns horrible?”

At my school, there were only a couple nuns, and, honestly, they were fine. The nun that taught Theology in senior year was a really unique person from Boston. She had the accent, the attitude, and an intense appreciate for uniform rules.
But, when I think of my time in high school, I don’t think about the nuns. I think about all the other teachers, and what they taught me (and my peers) about what it meant to be a good person. The highest compliment received was when one teacher came up to me in the hallway, playfully punched me in the shoulder and said, “Remember, you are a decent human being.” He did this all the time. He constantly reminded his students that the best thing you could be is decent. And to be decent, you had to add value to the environment around you. You had to contribute. You had to enhance. You had to give everything you had to give. He constantly challenged students to learn more, to give more and to be more. And he lead by example. When I was in his AP English class, I would see him two to three times for every assignment: twice before the paper was due, and once after I received the grade back. This man would sit with me, going through my work and challenging me in every way possible. He was 100% dedicated to every student who wanted to be there, and who did the work. And he lived for his students.

When I got accepted to my first college choice, he was the person I wanted to tell. I ran into his classroom, and said “Guess what!” He looked up, a huge, knowing smile on his face, and said “You got in, didn’t you?!” He was, if at all possible, even more excited than I was.

And he was just one of the totally dedicated, totally awesome, totally inspiring teachers I had.

“All girls? So was it major drama, all the time?”

For the most part, no. I admit that in any school, there is always going to be some drama, but let’s be real: any time you have 600 people in one building, there is going to be drama. One year, one of my friends received a phone call from two other students; these girls thought it would a good idea to make a list of everything they disliked about my friend, and read it to her. To this day, this is the bitchiest, most horrible thing I can imagine doing to another person. And I hope those two girls are embarrassed that, even as high schoolers, thought that was okay.
But beyond that, the drama was pretty minimal. This was the best aspect of going to an all girls’ school: there really weren’t the typical “popular girls.” Sure, there were girls that fit the mold: they drank on the weekends, hooked up with the boys from the all-boys’ school across town, had big houses, and wore nice clothes. But that didn’t make them popular. That made them a group of friends. They weren’t any more or less than any other group of friends.
The girls that were popular (as in, they had a ton of friends and people actually liked them) were the smart girls. They were the ones in the Advanced Placement classes. The ones that killed it in the school musical. The hilarious girls that gave good speeches and made funny videos for school assemblies. The chick that made her own homecoming dress. They were the girls who wrote editorials in the school paper. These were the girls that you wanted to be friends with, wanted to like you.
And that, to me, is the best part of the all-girls’ experience. That people that worked hard, were passionate about their interests and excelled. They gained genuine popularity by being Bad Ass Chicks.
It’s hard to communicate in a few words what it means to attend an all-girls’ school. In my four years, I learned what it meant to be a human being, that doing what you’re passionate about can make all the difference, and that you are more than your exterior. As I continue to fumble my way in the adult world, I realize more and more that my high school experience set me up with a good idea of what it means to be a successful adult: to find what you’re passionate about, to work hard, and to be a decent human being to other people. That you can be considered worthwhile by your peers, even if your sweater is pilling and your shoes are from three seasons ago. Most of all, the all girls’ environment gave me the confidence I needed to know that I could do whatever I wanted to in life, just so long as I worked for it. That if I was dedicated to something, things would work out. That I could be a total boss, because of (not in spite of) my position as a woman. So when I look at Mercy Academy’s advertising campaign, it reminds me of the best lesson my all-girls’ education gave me: a reminder that I can change the world.

The Real Message One Direction Is Sending Out To Young Girls That You Probably Didn’t Think About

I’ve observed my smart, independent friends descend into a dribbling mess of snot and tears while listening to “Little Things.” As I’m sure they are aware, One Direction have phenomenal power over one particularly impressionable demographic- young girls.

It occurred to me to question the message their songs put across to teenage girls at a time when their development of self and sense of self-esteem are still being moulded by what they see and hear around them. I feel particularly strongly about young girls feeling empowered, free and independent- so where do One Direction fit in with this message? Well, their very first ever (inarguably catchy) single, ‘You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful’, is about a male protagonist courting an insecure young girl: ‘You’re insecure // Don’t know what for.’ It exemplifies the logic that a young girl’s beauty lies in the male gaze by which she’s perceived. She’s beautiful, but doesn’t know it- she must be told so by four badly dressed British teenage boys. Her ignorance to her own beauty somewhat adds to her attraction.

The same sentiment is explored in ‘Little Things,’ where an unnamed girlfriend cannot accept her ‘stomach or her thighs’- but despite these perceived ‘flaws’, the boy still loves her. It’s stated that she’ll never love herself ‘half as much’ as ‘he’ does- worrying, female beauty is presented as something for male consumption and something that almost doesn’t exist until perceived by a man. It’s worrying that in two of the band’s most successful and well-received songs, low self-esteem is so romanticised. One Direction to impressionable young girls everywhere: “Your low self-esteem is hot.”

Fast forward a couple of albums, and we reach the slightly less successful ‘Four’ and a disappointing glorification of male ownership in romantic relationships on its pioneering single, ‘Steal My Girl.’ The perceived ‘other’ guy is told to ‘Find another one, ‘cause she belongs to me.’ This idea is both overused and inherently anti-feminist- I think it’s pretty clear that it is the ‘Girl’s’ own call on whom she decides to be with and that, as a woman in a relationship, you are not instantly under the ownership of your other half. Come on, it’s 2015. In an age where many perceive equality to have progressed in great leaps and bounds in recent years, the idea that a girl belongs to a boy drives One Direction’s message in this song to absurdity.

Despite their songs being catchy and their faces being carved by angels themselves, it’s clear that One Direction perhaps need to give a little more consideration to the message they give out through their lyrics, especially when these lyrics are being furiously memorized and ingested by millions of teenage girls all over the world. With such power, One Direction could do incredible powerful things through the message they give to their fans- if they so choose to.

To The Women Who Choose Not To have kids

To the women who choose not to have kids, I have one thing to say: thank you.

You probably don’t hear it enough. In fact, you probably don’t hear it at all. What you do hear is an array of pro-childbearing responses, such as, “You’ll change your mind someday,” or, “Doesn’t your mother want grandkids?” or, “You’ll never find a husband if you never want to have kids.”

All things considered, “thank you” is probably on the opposite end of what you hear.

But seriously: thank you. Thank you for recognizing that childrearing isn’t for you and being true to who you are. It doesn’t mean you hate kids. It just means that raising one is not part of your path in life.
Thank you for not succumbing to the societal pressures. I’ve known far too many parents who had kids because that’s what was expected of them. Working in childcare, you see more of this type than you wish to see. The resentment is almost palpable. They love their children — at least, they have no choice but to love their children — but every single movement seems to scream, “I wasn’t meant for this.” I’ve known too many people who grew up with at least one parent who harbored that resentment, who let that resentment dictate how they parented. I’ve seen how that influenced the way these former children are now as adults, or even as parents themselves.
Thank you for not trying to compromise who you are in an effort to keep a partner around. Thank you for being honest and open and refusing to apologize for who you are. Everyone has different values. Everyone wants something different in life. It takes a lot of guts and confidence to say, “This is what I want in life. It’s not the orthodox way, but it’s my way.”
Thank you for not trying to silence that feeling in your gut as a means to validate your life. There are too many people in this world who cannot figure out their path — or have stumbled while walking down said path — and decided that maybe having a child could provide that meaning and definition instead. You understand that down this path lies vicarious living and hurt emotions and you recognize that there are so many other ways to find love and meaning and joy in your life.
Raising children is a difficult, onerous, frustrating, and disappointing gig. It’s tough enough for those who want it. It is a rewarding and loving gig as well, but it’s not something one should go into while focusing only on reward and love and societal acceptance. In this day and age, with a booming population in almost every country, it makes no sense to pressure every person to have a baby. But we’re sticklers to tradition, ritualistic to a fault.
So thank you. It’s not easy to stand firm with your belief. Honestly, truly, and genuinely: thank you.

Don’t Listen To The Pretty Girl

Don’t listen to the pretty girl, because how could she ever relate? What does she know of suffering or pain? Don’t listen to her, for her qualms are the very definition of First World Problems.

Don’t listen to the ugly girl, because what could she possibly say that would hold your interest? Her opinions are invalid because she’s just trying to make up for her lack of physical attractiveness.

Don’t listen to the skinny girl. Skinny bitches don’t know how good they have it. Whatever problems they are facing are not nearly as bad as they think they are.

Don’t listen to the fat girl. What could she possibly know about anything when her body isn’t the societal ideal?
Don’t listen to the girl who wears makeup. She cares way too much about her appearance to have anything worthwhile to say. She’s as vapid as the compact holding her powdered concealer.
Don’t listen to the girl who doesn’t wear makeup. She doesn’t care about how she presents herself to the world, so why should we care about what she has to say?
Don’t listen to the optimistic girl. We’ve had enough of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, thank you very much.
Don’t listen to the cynical girl. Obviously she’s going through a breakup, or on her period, or whatever.
Don’t listen to the girl who had a difficult past. She’s damaged goods. No one wants to hear about how her daddy issues shaped her views on gun laws and health care and immigration.
Don’t listen to the girl who had a secure, stable upbringing. She’s way too soft to have any proper opinion on anything.
Don’t listen to the artistic girl. Artistic girls are crazy.
Don’t listen to the pragmatic girl. Pragmatic girls just wish they were boys.
Don’t listen to the outspoken girl. She’s just trying to compensate for something. Besides, who has time for all that blather and babble?
Don’t listen to the soft-spoken girl. If she really had something important to say, she’d be more outspoken about it.
Don’t listen to the career-minded girl, the career-ambivalent girl, the girl with a five-year plan, the girl who doesn’t have it all figured out, the girl who follows the rules, the girl who rebels, the girl who refuses to be labeled or the girl who understands society’s impulse to label everything. I’m sure you can find a reason to invalidate and ignore them perfectly well on your own.
Besides, why should you listen to me?

12 Steps To Plan The Perfect Wedding

1. Start young. Very young. Long before you’ve met anyone. Watch children’s movies — particularly the ones from Disney, where the main characters always get married in the end. Pay attention to the fanfare, the perfect Prince Charming, her absurdly tiny waist and perfectly ample bosom. Let that settle into your ever-growing schema as you reenact what you watched with your Barbies, whose waists could rival those princesses any day of the week.

2. Watch as the older females around you fuss over their own wedding. Scan through the wedding magazines as they pile up in your mother’s kitchen. Scan through the “inspiration binders” that accidentally get left behind as the frazzled bride tries to get everything together.

3. Meet the one you are destined to spend your life together with. Meet your life partner. Or meet someone you wouldn’t mind marrying and figure you should since you’re about that age and you guys have been together for so long anyway. Get engaged. Compare your engagement ring with every single one around you. Feel inadequate when it’s not as big or as pretty.

4. Get bombarded with emails. Sign up for a million wedding websites. Be told that DIY weddings are the best. Feel inadequate when you hire vendors instead. Feel inadequate when you try making crafty things for your wedding, but fall short.
5. Have absolutely no idea what you want to do. Listen as wedding blogs tell you to go big, go small, go simple, go elegant, go fancy, go retro, go modern. Feel criticism when you forgo a traditional DJ. Feel criticism when you decide you want a traditional DJ. Feel criticism when you hire a live band or a string quartet or both.
6. Make a guest list. Realize it’s too big. Realize it’s too small. Feel guilt over those you aren’t inviting. Feel guilt over the fact that you’re inviting way too many people. Worry about it being too formal or too cozy. Consult the websites and become even more confused.

7. Try on dresses. Hear about the disdain for strapless A-line gowns. Hear about the disdain for cocktail dresses in lieu of wedding gowns. Bite your lip when dresses hug you wrong or emphasize all the wrong areas. Pretend that you feel like a princess even if your waist feels like it is going to explode out of the corset, or your chest is a solid foot from the edge of the top of the bodice. Avoid all clichés while still being traditional and step it up when the nagging voice in the back of your head reminds you that you’re falling short of the Perfect Wedding.

8. Worry over money. Have people invalidate and worsen the worry by telling you that you’re spending way too much money on “a stupid party”.
9. Process a million people’s varying input at the exact same time. Listen as your mother wishes to invite the people she wants to invite. Listen as your sister clicks her tongue over the style and layout of your invitations. Be called extravagant by your cousin. Be called stingy with money by your aunt. Take everything in with a smile, even as the corners of your mouth descend downwards.
10. Pay attention to the magazines, the Pinterest boards, all the wedding shows on premium cable. Have people think less of you because you do. Decide you aren’t going to pay attention after all, only to catch a wedding magazine out of the corner of your eye at the drugstore, telling you all the ways you can lose weight for your wedding.
11. Stress out. Be told not to stress out. Be told how juvenile weddings are. Be told that you’re silly for getting so worked up over one. Watch as they nonchalantly shrug their shoulders and talk about how they won’t be falling into the same traps that you are falling into. Be reminded that you’re spending way too much money and you could’ve spent those thousands of dollars on something way more pragmatic. Listen as they swear they won’t be as foolhardy as you.
12. And, above all else: smile! You are the center of attention, if people haven’t made that abundantly clear, either genuinely or sardonically. This is supposed to be the best day of your life! This is your happy ending with Prince Charming! Everything just needs to be perfect, and you just need to be nonchalant about every possible screw-up or setback, lest you be called a bridezilla or immature. Because it’s just a wedding. No big deal or anything.
Hey, why are you crying?

April 8, 2014 5 Things I’ve Learned From The Modeling World

Lesson #1: Expectation is Not Reality

I’ve long lost count of the number of shoots where I expected things to go one way, only to watch them go another. Or the number of times I found that the final image came out in a completely different way than what I was anticipating. I went into freelance work – as well as agency representation – expecting things to go a lot differently than they did. I learned that there are a lot of “boring” modeling jobs: pictures for internal purposes only, fit modeling (where you try on samples and stand really still while they figure out how to modify the outfit), modeling for meetings at retail headquarters, and so on, and so forth. I learned just how unglamorous and monotonous modeling can actually be. I learned that a go-see for even the biggest names can still be just you walking around in uncomfortable heels in the back of a warehouse or in a nondescript office building.

Reality is never what you imagined it would be. Sometimes it’s better. Sometimes it’s worse. And sometimes it’s just different. It’s not worth wasting time and energy trying to predict how things are going to turn out. Just go with the flow and keep your eyes and ears peeled.

Lesson #2: Stop Being Scared and Stick Your Neck Out

I remember when I finally gave into the idea of modeling. I had just finished my very first job for my friend’s band, doing weird quasi-artistic shots for the CD covers of their demo songs. Artistic shots, like poking at a running shower head while fully clothed and outside the bathtub, or pretending I was staring at a green orb on the ground. But that’s for another time.

I finished up these shoots realizing that I really, really liked modeling. I made a profile on a modeling website and sat back, wondering when the hordes of photographers and clothing companies would be banging down my door in an effort to work with me.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t happen.

As a freelancer, it took searching out casting calls and contacting the people I needed to contact and networking as best as I could. It took sticking my neck out and getting rejected and doing it all over again.

When I finally worked up the courage to go agency hunting, I sent out my pictures, even though the very thought of getting rejected on an agency level scared the piss out of me. And I did get rejected. But I also got signed by one of these agencies. And when the time came for me to venture out into the modeling world again at the ripe age of 26, I sent out my pictures to the top Boston agency – an agency that passed on me many years ago – fully recognizing that I might get rejected yet again.
And I almost did. Somehow, dumb luck (which I will get into in a moment) prevailed and the director decided to ask for a few snapshots before potentially telling me to buzz off. He liked what he saw and called me in for a meeting. I was signed that day (with the understanding that the first pictures I had sent him did not impress him at all).

The likelihood that success is going to fall into your lap is slim to none. Very rarely does someone get “discovered” while walking their dog or pumping their gas. They usually get “discovered” by working hard, taking chances, and getting over the fear of rejection.

It’s the same with anything in life. You need to stop worrying about the negatives, take a risk, and stick your neck out.

Lesson #3: Sometimes Dumb Luck Will Win Out

Throughout the years, I’ve met a lot of striking, talented models. The types of models who can walk into a room and immediately attract everyone’s attention. The types of models whose faces were completely unforgettable. The types of models that any client should rightfully lose their mind to have. These models could sell a product, a service, a fashion line, or an editorial idea without any effort.
And I’ve seen those models go absolutely nowhere with their careers.
I remember getting a job for a commercial purely because I had showed up with a pearl necklace on and they had imagined their commercial queen wearing a similar necklace. I remember losing a job because the person in front of me knew the client and was busy talking to said client when I came in. People have snagged jobs because they were the first, the last, the perfectly-in-the-middle person to show up to the go-see. People have lost jobs because they had sneezed in the middle of the line reading and had to start all over again.
Hard work, determination, and talent are key for any successful venture. But sometimes you need that fourth ingredient: dumb luck. Luck can never replace hard work and talent, but sometimes it can win out over both.

Lesson #4: You’re Exactly What Someone is Looking for, Somewhere

The hardest part about modeling was getting passed over time and time and time again. My bust was too big for the samples. My look was too commercial. I had brown hair and they were looking for “raven”. I would give my all at go-sees and casting calls and watch as girls who (and I might be naïve and biased here) had absolutely nothing on me get the gigs instead.
And then every once in a while I would not only get a gig, but get sought out specifically to be hired for the job. I had the exact measurements they were looking for. I had exactly the “maternal smile” they were hoping to find. I was just the right amount of athletic. They took one look and God help the rest of the models.
I learned that, while rejection is the name of the game, I’m always going to be exactly what someone is looking for, eventually. Whether it is looks or personality, be it in the professional world or the dating world, what others have over me is irrelevant, because there’s always someone out there looking for an exact type of someone – a someone that I can completely fulfill. I’m not going to be everyone’s ideal, so focusing on the times I get passed over – be it the modeling industry or in real life – is a colossal waste of time.

Lesson #5: The World is Callous and Shallow; It’s Your Job to Not Become That Way As Well

Coming as a surprise to no one, mainstream modeling is a pretty superficial profession. No one cares about how good of a person you are, or how creative you can be. Do you have the look they are going for? No? Get out.
And even if you get the job, there’s no guarantee they’ll be kind and understanding as you figure out what they want from you (see: “Some People Just Cannot Be Pleased”). It’s your job to do what they ask without snapping back. It’s your job to go to the go-sees with a smile on your face, even if they’re scowling at you.
You’ll meet models at casting calls and go-sees who would probably think nothing of pushing you down the stairs if it meant they got the gig instead of you. You might even deal with people at your own agency who have no issues treating you like a piece of meat – a piece of meat that is never living up to the expectations they set out for you when they signed you.
The modeling world – and the world at large – is a pretty cruel place. It’s up to you to decide whether or not that turns you into a cruel person as well. Are you going to be mean and selfish because some of the people around you are, or are you going to overcome that and walk away a decent human being? The world gives you every reason in the book to become callous. It’s your job not to become that way as well.

21 Struggles Only Skinny Girls Will Understand

While it’s considered rude to walk up to an overweight person and comment on their weight, most people consider it “fair game” to comment on the weight of a naturally skinny woman. Aside from being told “you need more meat on your bones” and being compared to a twig and toothpicks, there are a variety of other problems only skinny girls understand. Here’s just a few I’ve encountered in the 33 years I’ve been a lady who’s thin:

1. Strangers asking “Do you eat?” and having people tell you to eat something all the time.
2. Trying to find pants that fit in the waist but are long enough in the leg.
3. Hearing people would “love to have your problem” and that you have no reason to be insecure or complain because you’re skinny.
4. Skinny legs make your feet look huge.
5. Uncushioned chairs and benches hurt your buttbone.
6. Not being able to donate blood because you don’t reach the 110 pound weight requirement.
7. People saying they’re scared to hug you because they might break you.
8. Always. Needing. Belts.
9. The assumption that you have an eating disorder, as if looks can diagnose mental health.
10. Being told to be careful when it’s windy outside because you might just blow away.
11. People joking about your weight, as if it’s not just as hurtful as making a fat joke to someone who is overweight.
12. Wearing the same size bra you wore in middle school.
13. No one believing when you say you love food or that you eat a lot and being asked to prove it all of the time.
14. Being known as “the skinny one.”
15. People asking you why you workout, as if being skinny means you’re automatically healthy or not into athletics.
16. Not having the curves to fill out some fashionable clothes and being told “0” isn’t a real size.
17. Needing drawstrings on yoga pants because the elastic won’t hold them up.
18. Not being able to gain weight no matter what you do, and people rolling their eyes when you voice this frustration to them.
19. Feeling cold all. the. time.
20. Being told “real women have curves” and “guys don’t like stick figures,” as if you have to shame one type of body to celebrate another.
21. Explaining that skinny is sexy. Curvy is sexy. But most of all, confidence is sexy — regardless of the size.

I Don’t Wear Makeup — And I Love It

I have nothing against makeup and I’m not trying to make a statement by not wearing it. In fact, the idea of having extended lashes and perfectly-lined lips does appeal to me from time to time. But then I remember that I’m the girl who went out in public with a Velcro roller stuck on her head, has blinded herself with liquid eyeliner applied directly to her eyeball and designates “good” T-shirts/jeans/yoga pants for when she needs to feel classy.

That’s why I figure if you like makeup, wear it. If you don’t, then don’t. Yet some people still find it almost criminal that I only wear a coat of mascara and lip gloss, but for every reason they give me that I should doll up, I have a reason that I shouldn’t. (PS: Here’s what happened when my friend Lisa gave up make-up for 30 days.)

1. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I love sleeping and would rather stay in bed an extra 15 minutes or work out in the morning than spend that time trying to perfectly line my upper lids or watch YouTube tutorials on foundation. It takes me five minutes to put on a coat of mascara and out the door I go — not perfect, but presentable.

2. So many brands, so little difference.

Along with the application process, the purchase of new makeup items is pretty much just as confounding. I’m never sure just which shade of foundation perfectly matches my uneven and seasonally-changing skin tone or which eyeliner will bring out the flecks of green in my hazel eyes.
And don’t even get me started on mascara. I usually stick to one particular brand but when I went to the store the last time to find out how to be easy, breezy and beautiful — which sounds a bit slutty, yet intriguing — I was bombarded with approximately 413 different options. I could be a Lash Fanatic or engage in Lashperfection, Lashwrap, Lashblast Fusion, LashExact, Luxe, Mousse and an All-In-One professional option that I assume will also staple and collate any interoffice memos in a passive-aggressive way.

There were mascara options that specialized in curl, definition, length, long-wearing, volume, washable, waterproof, Volum’Express, XXL curl, Lash Stiletto and Lash Discovery with promises that with a swipe of a (curved, flexible, stiff or extended) wand, I could have dramatically curled, extended, and mega-plushed lashes up to 3, 5, 7, 9, or 11 times the normal volume. All without clumps. THIS IS WHY OTHER COUNTRIES HATE US, PEOPLE!

3. Bronzer should not cost as much as a car payment.

Anything more than $1 Wet-n-Wild eye pencil isn’t cheap and eventually expires so make-up buying decisions can’t be taken lightly. I have been scorned by a $10 tube of lipstick that I thought would look perfect only to find out when I got home that it made me look like a drag queen in the harsh light of day. I’ve also heard friends talk about spending hundreds of dollars each month on “age-defying” and “life-changing” products yet I simply can’t justify sweating $30 of foundation off my face at the gym.

4. WTF is contouring???

Seriously. If I wanted to expend large amounts of effort to carve something out, it’s going to be an avocado pit with a knife and not a hidden cheekbone through the use of multiple creams and bronzers.

So even though some people might call it lazy, and maybe it is a little bit, I’m comfortable with how I look. I know makeup is there to enhance natural beauty — and more power to those of you who do wear it — but I simply embrace mine instead.

6 Thoughts On Girls And One Night Stands Abby Green View Comments

1.  EXPECT NOTHING. Literally nothing.

Be pleasantly surprised in the morning if they remember your name or even acknowledge you.  Plan on calling a cab to get home or if they are at your place, plan on them sneaking out without a word.

Now, I am a girl so I am very aware that it is very hard to turn off those thoughts going through your head “But we had a really good time, this could be it! I can’t wait to tell my grandkids this story.” (Not the exact one night stand story but you get my drift)  Even if those thoughts are unavoidable and you DID have a good time and felt a connection, ignore it and listen to your logical self – this probably is just a one-night stand.  Until he does acknowledge your presence AND gets your phone number AND contacts you after you leave AND makes plans to see you again – it’s just a one-night stand.

2.  Know yourself well enough to not be broken hearted every weekend.

If you are the type that will get attached after sex (we all do a little bit, its actually a hormone that is released), BUT there is a big difference between, “Oh well, the sex kinda sucked anyways” and *sobbing* “I just really thought he’d text me, I mean why wouldn’t he what is wrong with me?!”
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this reaction, sex is an intimate thing and means different things to different people.  But if this is you, don’t do this to yourself every weekend – don’t keep falling for the lines guys use in a bar and the fact that you are drunk and tell yourself you won’t care in the morning when you KNOW you will.  Find a guy that actually takes you on a date (hint: he probably won’t be drunk in a bar).  This takes some patience but it has got to be better than feeling like shit every single Sunday morning.

On the other hand, if you can bang em and actually not give a fuck, more power to you.

3. Use some common sense.

Instincts are nothing to scoff at.  They are usually right.  Do not override your initial instinct that a guy is creepy or just not cool because he bought you a drink.  Chances are really really good you would confirm your initial instincts later in the night or regrettably the next morning.  It also never hurts to have a friend or twos impression on a guy, you know just to help ensure you don’t end up in a gutter.  If you want to be really proactive, ask him where he lives before you go there and tell someone slash you can always just bring him back to your place.

4.  Don’t’ feel guilty.

Society’s moral compass these days is fucking exhausting.  All extremes are present and have a decent following.  Extreme 1: “Two people should go on supervised dates and only hold hands before the wedding.”  Extreme 2: “Two people should have a lot of sexual experience with other people and with each other before they even CONSIDER dating.”
Now probably about everybody in and around Extreme 1 would absolutely judge you for a one-night stand.  In the same tune, everybody in and around Extreme 2 would give you a high five and tell you to keep up the good work.  Therefore you certainly can’t feel guilty because of what “society” says because society doesn’t even know what the fuck it says.
The only thing that should inspire guilt is a promise broken to you.  If you decided you were no longer into this one-night stand thing or just wanted to take a hiatus and then got drunk and reneged (we’ve all been there), then sure you can say “well damn, great job self, way to stay strong.” But after one day of calling yourself an idiot, move on.  Dwelling has zero positive effects.
NEVER feel guilty for not feeling guilty.  This is the absolute worst.  If you had some great sex and feel great about it the next day then GOOD FOR YOU and forget what anyone else has to say about.  Frankly it’s none of their business.

5.  If you forgot to make them wrap it up – get tested.

Don’t wait for shit to start growing down there, just suck it up and go to a clinic.

6.  If you are in a relationship – Break up with the poor guy.

And maybe spare him the gritty details, at this point, it’ll only further bruise his fragile ego.

A Letter To The Downhearted

How often we squash and squeeze ourselves to fit in this unforgiving world. And often, we gift wrap our appearances to present ourselves as acceptable substances. How we concrete our soft core so that we don’t get hurt. But underneath all our pretenses is how we really are – this terribly fragile piece of porcelain beneath the cement hard veneer.

We are afraid of our differences. We’re afraid of our flaws. We’re afraid of ourselves. We’re afraid of being ourselves.

Why are we afraid to show the world what we really are? Or are we afraid at all? Everybody wants reach that summit called perfection, but perfection isn’t a summit at all, it’s a rainbow. No matter how much we chase it, it will only seem farther and farther away. Perfection cannot exist, there is always friction.

But we’re only trying to protect ourselves from the ruthless actuality of life, because after all, underneath all our pretenses, we’re only a bone china saucer and the slightest mishandle could break us into a million little pieces.
As we move along in life we are scattering these little broken pieces of ourselves everywhere, handing some part of us to people we meet, dropping them at places we go. Sometimes people throw the pieces away and sometimes they forget where they placed it. But sometimes they keep it in their pockets, eyeing it again and again until it imprints on their mind. And still, it remains with them forever.
And such are the people – who forever preserve every piece, every memory of you – who you should choose above everybody else. Choose to love them, choose to protect them and choose to stand by them. Choose to drop your guard and be yourself with them. And although you might get hurt or go through heartbreak, it’s okay to be vulnerable once in a while.
But love yourself no matter what. Love yourself above all others because you are alone. You came into this world alone and you’re leaving alone, so you might as well live for yourself. Don’t burn yourself to keep others warm.
And above all, be hopeful. Because against all the insurmountable odds, there’s still hope.